the cosmic force

2010-07-14T12:40:00.000-07:00

2 years since the last post. Da Daaaaaaaaaaa. no not that last post dummy. why oh why can't i just start writing and keep writing? it does my big head in. it's what i'm meant to be doing and not what i'm actually doing. but i've got this mental block. or creative block. or am i just creatively mental. or mentally creative. none of the above. or perhaps the first one. well mental more than anything. definitely mental. i'm going to morph into a crazy cat woman without the cats sometime in the next few years. you just watch me. what the hell am i doing?! i'm writing about complete nonsense. i think it's because i need to get this out of my system. it's been 2 years after all. maybe i'll go now and come back later with something worth writing/reading. don't hold your breath tho. i could be a while...

2008-08-07T13:21:00.000-07:00

oops. it's been a while. again. i can't seem to help myself. apart from when there's food involved. you'd know that if you saw me. eating. or grazing as i fondly call it. now i'm distracted by the tv. as always. if i could hoof it out of a 20th floor hotel window i would. how rock and roll would that be? but the local premier inn stops at floor 3. and i won't settle for less than 20. looks like i'm stuck with it then. and we've just bought a new one. so i'm stuck with 2. or 3 if you count the one in the bedroom. and there's not much to watch. even with a zillion channels. but sitting through a repeat is still better than no tv at all. isn't it?

2008-06-23T04:26:00.000-07:00

it's lunch time. i'm sitting at my desk at work eating a cold veggie burger sandwich. and i'm bored. and i know i am fully responsible for the way i'm feeling. but i'm still bored. and i've read (and almost read) numerous life coaching books that have promised to sort my life out. but i'm still bored. when i was growing up all i wanted to be was 'older' so that i could do whatever i wanted. but now i'm older, i just want someone to tell me what to do next. have i already written that? feels like it. anyway. the sandwich is ok. so that's something to be grateful for. and the sun is shining. what more could i ask for? don't get me started! i'd better go before i start droning on and bore you! ciao then.

2008-06-11T04:52:00.000-07:00

so, i was shopping in sainsbury's on monday evening and trying to navigate around a man with walking aid and his accomplice with trolley, when the guy behind me muttered the following ..."dirty words, dirty words" in a sleazy american accent. now, i'm not sure if he thought i was part of the obstruction and was in his way. or if he was on a hands free booty call (in the vegetable aisle?). or just a nutter? (west london, 6:30pm. likely). but by saying "dirty words, dirty words" was he using the latest version (10.9) of 'frack' or 'frickin'? you know what i mean. don't you? i suspect that these stupid substitute swear words that have become acceptable (only in US sci-fi dramas) have now been superseded with other phrases like "dirty words, dirty words". i like it. and i might start saying it. but i am aware that muttering the same words over and over could put me in the 'nutter' category. (west london, 24/7. definitely).

being bothered

2008-05-27T10:39:00.000-07:00

oh blog. poor neglected blog. will you ever forgive me? i've been so busy doing nothing that you haven't even been on my 'to do' list. not that i have a 'to do' list but if i did you wouldn't have made the short list. sorry. i really am. what can i do to make it up to you? substitute my tv watching for some blogging? now that's a big ask. how about something less drastic? how about i just make more of an effort?

hyperhypo

2008-05-10T13:30:00.000-07:00

it's that time of year again. and i don't mean spring or summer. i'm talking about the time of year when all the puny white boys parade around topless. i'm going to think up a name for it. how about the sunny strut? i'm sure i can think of something better. leave it with me while i try to eat a messy lunch without staining a new shirt. i know. how about parade of the topless puny white boys? or better still, the puny white boys topless parade? no. i didn't think so. its been a good few days since i started to write this and i still haven't come up with a name for it. i have decided though, to start a club. it's called HyperHypo and there are 2 members at the moment. me. and my friend who will remain anonymous. you see, we suffer from the same illness. she's hyper and i'm hypo. being hypo has it's advantages. no, actually, it doesn't. unless you class feeling tired and sleeping as good things. and being forgetful. and carrying more weight than your body should be able to carry. on that note i'm going to have a nap and recharge. until next time...

sinner

2008-05-01T09:57:00.000-07:00

forgive me readers for i have not written in a while. it has been days since my last posting.
as i said in my first post. i am a thinker. and thinking is what i do best. if you could plug your usb memory stick into my brain and download all of this i could rest my tired fingers. or put them to good use in the biscuit tin. may be in a few years they'll develop something. isn't it amazing what they can do with technology these days?
now i'm getting stuck for words. what? how ridiculous! i think it's because i'm thinking too much about this. and mary berry is making a dessert on the food channel. i'm also easily distracted. did i mention that before?
so last night i went to vote for the new london mayor and london assembly etc. i parked right in front of the salvation army hall (are they still around?) and almost skipped my way to the front door. i have to confess that this is the first time i've voted in a long while. so as i get to the door i find myself walking towards the biggest rottweiler the world has ever seen. luckily it was facing the other way and didn't see me as my heart skipped a beat and i went into panic mode. there was a man holding it's lead and patting it's head but all i could think about was if this thing wanted to take a few chunks out of me - it was going to. so i was a brave girl. took a deep breath and walked straight past it into the hall. when i reached the table to register i could barely speak and i'm sure the lady thought i was having some kind of seizure. needless to say i took a long time to put my x's on the three ballot papers and slowly walked out praying that the dog had gone. and it had. so i made a run for the car and drove home at speed. did i tell you that i used to work with animals?

chinese chips

2008-04-25T15:07:00.000-07:00

ok. so i've managed to find my way back to the blog through tired eyes and with a full belly. it's take away night and i just can't stop eating those chinese chips. even when i'm close to bursting. damn those chips! but they are good. i passed a lorry on the motorway once that had the words 'eat more chips' on the side curtain. the universe communicates in wonderful ways sometimes. my hips would disagree with that. 'eat more chips big hips' it would say if it was my truck. so. not much has happened since yesterday. there's a poetry competition at work and i'm thinking of entering. but i probably won't. that's my way of keeping things the same. oh, but how i need a change. there's also this girls brother shooting a short film tomorrow and he needs extra's. thought about going to that. but won't. i'll be in bed til most of the morning has gone. then i'll spend the rest of the day on the sofa watching the food channel. rock and roll. that's almost the title of a piece of artwork that i've started. it's called 'i always thought my life would be...more rock and roll than this'. i say started, but i think it's finished. at least it's done and to deadline. miracle. so here's the poem i might (won't) submit:

i've been standing on the edge so long my heels are sore

and

i don't know what's behind me anymore - or what's in store

then

at 6 minutes past 2

i begin my journey through

the darkness, crying

magnified and multiplied by infinity

but now

i'm free

and flying

time to wind this up now. sleepy time.

not writing

2008-04-24T12:21:00.000-07:00

you know the type. i'm more of a thinker than a do-er. i always mean to do something and have good intentions. but still i do nothing or at the most - very little. it's not just the lazy bug. i'm scared of success. i would rather take the easy option and fail than do well. self sabotage. it's in my blood. but i've reached the point i've reached before when i have to do something before it drives me nuts. i have to get this out of my system. like the poems and short stories i've written before. composed only at the point of desperation. written in the middle of the night when the words have kept me awake. writing them down is the only route to silence. i know i should write more often. that would stop this endless thinking. but if i start. could i stop? Let's see...